GRAND Magazine - July/August 2017 - 13

alienated grandparents
Dear Dr. Coleman,

My husband and I are being treate
d like we're second-class citizens in regards to ou
r lovely grandchildren.
While that would be painful enou
gh, we have to see on
Facebook all the photos of our gra
ndchildren going on vacation with her parents, having them
watch the kids while my
son and his wife are out of town,
and playing with them at
their house- it's really too much an
d I can't take it. Whenever
I complain to my son about it he
just gets angry or defensive

or is in a hurry to get off of the ph
one. I also worry that it's
going to affect our relationships
with our grandchildren over
time if we don't get to spend the
kind of time with them that
they deser ve. I already am startin
g to feel like they're getting
more distant and don't know us.
Is there anything I or we
can do?
Signed,
Loving Grandmother

PBS Life Part 2: Cut Off from the Grandkids
13 GRAND

JULY AUGUST 2017

Dear Loving G

randmo

ther,
It's painful eno
ugh to be denie
d time with you
let alone have
r grandchildren
to witness how
,
much time is b
other grandpare
eing allotted to
nts. Studies sh
the
ow that daugh
migrate their h
te
rs
m
ore commonly
usbands into th
eir families and
mon for the pa
so it's not so un
rents of the son
comto
fe
e
l
d
isplaced or unim
It won't help to
portant.
complain to yo
ur son, and, de
to complain to
fi
n
itely won't help
your daughterin-law since, in
may like the cu
all likelihood, sh
rrent arrangem
e
e
n
t
ju
st
fine. That said,
tr y the followin
y
o
g:
u should
* Ask your so
n if there's any
thing that you'r
that makes the
e currently doin
m concerned a
g
b
out your being
grandkids. Be p
w
ith the
repared that yo
u may get a list
and restrictions
of complaints
in regards to yo
u
a
s parents or gra
ents. Tr y to tak
ndpare it as helpful in
fo
rm
a
ti
on and do not
defensively. Lis
respond
ten to the kern
e
l
of truth in the c
* If you think
omplaints.
that there's som
ething you've d
upsetting to yo
one that was
ur daughter-in-l
a
w
,
e
ven if she overmake sure that
reacted,
you've done en
o
u
g
h
to
the gatekeeper
repair it since sh
to your son.
e's
* Don't criticiz
e your daughte
r-in-law and do
your son.
n't criticize her
to
* In general, m
aking compariso
ns to the other
backfires, so tr
grandparents
y to avoid it.
* Ask for wha
t you'd like with
out complainin
g.
Hope that help
s!

Dr. Joshua Coleman is a psychologist in private
practice in San Francisco and a Senior Fellow with the
Council on Contemporary Families. He has been a
frequent guest on the Today Show, NPR, The BBC, and
numerous other outlets.


https://www.facebook.com/GRANDmagazine/ https://www.twitter.com/grandMmagazine http://www.drjoshuacoleman.com/

GRAND Magazine - July/August 2017

Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of GRAND Magazine - July/August 2017

Contents
GRAND Magazine - July/August 2017 - 1
GRAND Magazine - July/August 2017 - 2
GRAND Magazine - July/August 2017 - 3
GRAND Magazine - July/August 2017 - Contents
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