GRAND Magazine - July/August 2017 - 29
invisible grands
Suffering separation? Get thee
to a support group!
BY PAT HANSON
"
The Dalai Lama,
in The Book of Joy
states, "Pain is an
inevitable part of
life, but suffering is
optional."
"
Operating Guidelines For Support Groups
I
n the film Collateral Beauty, after losing his daughter to
cancer, Will Smith considers a grief support group but can't
face his feelings. Don't let that happen to you. If you are an
invisible grandparent or estranged from an adult child, there are
plenty of places you can turn for support and you should.
Find A Support Group or Start Your Own
Support groups that meet face-to-face can offer relief, comfort,
29 GRAND
JULY AUGUST 2017
and encouragement. But they're not the only choice. There are
also effective online groups, including, Alienated Grandparents
Anonymous, Inc. (AGA). Founded in 2011 this non-profit lists
97 active support groups in 50 states and 19 countries. Its website and brochure contain useful coping information, especially
about Grandparent Alienation Syndrome and about locating an
AGA support group, or about starting an AGA-affiliated support
group.
Confidentiality is vital to a support group's success, whether
anonymity by adopting pseudonyms, or just agreeing, "What's
said in this room stays here." It takes courage to overcome
embarrassment. And some grandparents may be involved in
litigation that could be compromised.
Know the power of words. I am feeling depressed, is a lot
different than saying I AM depressed. Remember the old parenting adage: tell kids they "did a bad thing," not "you are a bad
kid."
Avoid proclamations of never and always. At the end of my
support groups we all affirm the ability to think in possibilities of
reconciliation.
Give support and suggestions, not advice.
Dr. Pat Hanson is a seasoned health educator, public
speaker, and workshop facilitator. She is the author
of Invisible Grandparenting: Leave A Legacy Of Love
Whether You Can Be There or Not. She lectures nationally
on Aging Positively and is a columnist for the magazine:
Crone: Women Coming of Age.
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GRAND Magazine - July/August 2017
Table of Contents for the Digital Edition of GRAND Magazine - July/August 2017
Contents
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