New England Hockey Journal - December 2015 - 59

THE HOCKEY MOM

ile this first one under, "the
more things change, the
more they stay the same."
We'd like to think that
we've come a long way in
terms of equality for female athletes, and
women in general. We have Title 9, and
women's hockey teams winning gold medals, and little girls growing up to idolize Serena Williams instead of Cindy Crawford.
Yet I've also recently watched the Owen
Labrie trial conclude with a conviction,
and I've seen a friend's son be expelled for
texting out pictures of an unclothed female
schoolmate to his friends. I've seen the pictures of Greg Hardy's girlfriend after he allegedly beat her, and read Ray Rice's report
that he's ready to be the NFL's
spokesman on domestic violence (really).
In each case, my instinct was
to think, "Not my son. My son
would never do what he did."
Well, each of those boys
and men are someone's son.
And in the case of the one that
I know, he's really, truly a good
APRIL
kid in his heart. So what went
wrong? And what does this
have to do with kids hockey?
I think got a glimpse of part
of the problem recently, in a few different
contexts. One was an elementary schoollevel sporting event. An all-boys team was
playing an all-girls team. Instead of respecting their opponents, several of the boys impugned them. "They won't play hard, they'll
be afraid to break a nail." Insults delivered
in falsetto, mocking voices. No coaches
or parents corrected them, and when they
narrowly defeated the girls, one coach reprimanded them for almost losing to "a bunch
of girls." It's 2015, people. Really?
Listening to sports radio a couple of
weeks ago, my two kids and I heard a
talk-show host declare, "I'm sick of hearing about the lack of air time for women's sports. They're slow, they're not as
skilled, and they're boring. No one wants
to watch them. Get over it."

Teaching respect, on and off the ice,
takes effort and should start early
In another instance I was standing I was aware that my intervention might
on the sidelines at my daughter's field have had the opposite of the intended
hockey game, listening to the boys be- effect - that I might be perceived as
hind me talking.
just another whining woman, complainBoy 1: "My dad says field hockey is ing about a simple joke, or some locker
the best sport for girls."
room bonding. Another woman who just
Boy 2: "Why?"
doesn't have a good sense of humor.
Boy 1: "Because they already wear
That's where the hockey dads come in
short skirts so all they have ... or in the second case, the field hockey
to do is put down their sticks, dad came in. The father standing next to
pick up their pompoms, and me, proud parent to three excellent fethey'll actually be doing male athletes, turned around to the boys.
something useful."
"Tell your dad I'll put (his daughter playCue the laughter. Or not.
ing on the field at the moment) up against
It's a huge leap from there him and you in any athletic test and I'll
to domestic violence, or even waive the pom poms for her while she
betraying a girl by sharing kicks both your butts." Perhaps not the
nude photos. But it might most diplomatic response, but I'm sure it
not be as far as we think. You made a lot more of an impression that anycan't raise a boy to think that thing I could have said as a woman myself.
females are inherently inferiSo dads, coaches and yes, even moms:
or, or simply sexual objects, or Think twice about the messages that you
otherwise worthy of disrespect, and then send your sons about women in general,
be shocked when he treats them as such.
I also don't think you can raise a boy to
respect women off the field but disrespect
them on it, and expect him not to begin
to confuse the two at some point. Maybe
most importantly, for all the families out
there (including mine) who think we are
raising young men who respect women
in all walks of life, we can't stick them in
locker rooms with kids and adults who
don't share those values and expect them
to come out unscathed.
As a hockey mom, and just a mom
in general, I'd like to think that I do my
part by talking to both my kids regularly
about this stuff, as well as by trying to be a
strong, competent female role model. But
in both of the contexts I mentioned above,

BOWLING

Vidal
Continued from Page 25

never advanced beyond the Atlantic
Hockey quarterfinals, so making it to
Rochester, N.Y., for the league's championship weekend is a chief objective. But
Vidal admits to taking extra motivation
from the fact that Worcester's DCU Center will host the NCAA Northeast Regional in March. A league title and at least one
de facto home game in the tourney would
be the sweetest ending to a college career
filled with ups and downs.
"I walk in the rink every single day," said
Vidal, who's majoring in economics and
philosophy, "and I look at those pictures of

and female athletes on the field in particular. Mixed messages lead to muddled
morals. You don't have to like watching women's field hockey; god knows I
can't stand watching men's golf. But be
careful how you talk about the girls your
sons play, or if you have a girl, be sure
to support her by explicitly addressing
these issues with her coaches and other
parents. And don't allow disrespect to go
unaddressed, no matter how uncomfortable intervening might feel.
Speaking up now might make the all
difference in their actions someday when
they come face to face as men and women off the field, without the rules of sport
to help them make the right choices.
April Bowling is a mother of two, including one
avid little hockey player named Sam. Owner of TriLife
Coaching, a multisport training firm in Essex, Mass.,
April also co-founded the TriROK Foundation.
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guys that have (won) championships that
are hanging in our locker room and in the
hallways, and I want so bad to be able to
have one of those hanging up there."
Yet even if the Crusaders fall short in
that quest and Vidal and his mates never
take their place on a wall of honor, it seems
clear that the Holy Cross captain will leave
an enduring legacy that goes beyond
goals and assists, victories and trophies.
"You want to play for him because he's
doing all the right things," Bolton said, "and
you see him in a certain light and you want
people to see you in that light. Not only are
you doing it for yourself and your team, but
you're doing it for him, because the 'C' on
his chest means a lot to everybody."
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