AtHomeWithLorraineKelly2016 - 217

ADOPTION ▲
GRACE HAS
SETTLED WELL
INTO HER
NEW FAMILY

A NEW ARRIVAL
BRINGS CHANGE

Following the approval, Grace joined
her new family, via an eight-day
introduction process. 'When we
brought her home at the end of that
period, Grace was very quiet
and compliant - unusually
so,' remembers Dawn.
'She was walking and
could say a few words
by then, and Emma
76% (4,050) OF
adored her.'
CHILDREN ADOPTED
It was a whirlwind
DURING THE YEAR TO
ﬁrst few months
31 MARCH 2015 WERE
of excitement and
AGED ONE TO FOUR
change, but reality
YEARS OLD.
did creep in. Emma
didn't just have to get used
absolutely loved it. Her visits
to a toddler sister (as opposed
involved talking about every aspect of
to a newborn who doesn't really do
our lives to ﬁnd out what makes us
much), but a child who had had a
tick. Everything is put under the
traumatic start in life - separation
microscope but it never felt intrusive.
from her birth parents - and who
And, if you're honest and open,
would be her sibling forever.
ultimately your social worker can
'Grace had come into a home that,
eﬀect the best match possible.'
to her, must have felt alien, and we
had to help her manage her loss
of her previous life - that was really
A CHILD IN WAITING
important. She's told me since that,
The couple's assessment ﬁnished in
at ﬁrst, we felt like random strangers,
September, and Camden's adoption
despite all the careful preparations.
team revealed it already had a child
'For a while, it got very tough.
in mind for the couple. 'It blew our
She'd shout out around 10 times a
minds that it could happen so quickly,'
night, seeking reassurance we were
Dawn says. 'We went to the panel
still there. And some of her feelings
- which is made up of social workers
- anger, bewilderment, confusion
and independent members with
- were turned towards Emma. It may
experience in the ﬁeld of adoption
have been that she saw her as a threat
in her new home, or she was just
ﬁnding where the boundaries lay,
but when she got angry, it would
usually be Emma she'd lash out at.'
Things came to a head when, on
holiday, seven months later, Emma
declared Grace 'had to go back'.
'It was a sucker punch,' says Dawn, 'but
not entirely unexpected. We explained
that wasn't an option - we were now a
family and had to work it out together.'
They did and, these days, Emma and
- in October. This is where they take
Grace are inseparable.
everything into account and say
Having planned for a second child,
whether you are approved or not. Not
both practically and ﬁnancially, the
only were we approved as adopters
couple had kept all their baby things
but, on the same day, they agreed our
from the ﬁrst time around. But they
match with 22-month-old Grace.'
weren't prepared for how much Grace
Emma was six at this point, and
completed them. 'The early fears were
the Egans explained what adoption
unfounded,' says Dawn. 'The love
meant to her. 'We told her that
we feel for Grace is just as profound,
sometimes a child, for many diﬀerent
unconditional and all-encompassing
reasons, can't live with their mummy
as it is for Emma. Our social worker
and daddy, and needs to have a family
once said: "Adoption may not be your
to look after them forever. And she
ﬁrst choice in starting or adding to
seemed to get it. Our social worker
your family, but it's never, EVER
also felt she could handle it, which
second best". And she was right'.
was very important.'

New lives

understood what he meant - but,
equally, that fear can apply to having
a second biological child.'
It was January 2010 when Dawn
went to an open evening for
First4Adoption (www.ﬁrst4Adoption.
org.uk), an information service for
people interested in adopting a child
in England. 'Sam was working away,
so I went on my own,' she says.
'There was a very warm and receptive
atmosphere. I found out what kind
of children needed adopting and how
the process worked. Nothing said that
night put me oﬀ. In fact, it made me
even more determined.'
Once Sam had digested all the
information Dawn brought home,
he was equally keen to go forward.

WORDS: LYNNE MAXWELL, IMAGE: GETTY IMAGES

WE TOLD EMMA THAT
SOMETIMES A CHILD, FOR MANY
DIFFERENT REASONS, CAN'T LIVE
WITH THEIR MUMMY AND DADDY.
SHE SEEMED TO GET IT
'Within weeks, we were assigned a
social worker who came to interview
us and we really gelled with her,' says
Dawn. 'She put us forward for the next
stage, the prep group in May that year.
This was an intense four-day course
with other prospective adopters, and
we were put through our paces with
lots of discussions and role play.
'We then had home study, which is
a preparation process, and were so
lucky to get the same social worker
who'd interviewed us in the earlier
stage. She came to our house, once a
week for four months, and I've always
likened it to "free therapy" because I

www.athomemagazine.co.uk AUGUST 2016 | 217
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