AtHomeWithLorraineKelly2016 - 82

I ENVY FRIENDS
WITH HEALTHY
BODIES AND BANK
BALANCES, WHO
HAVE RICH SOCIAL
LIVES AND GO TO
FAR-FLUNG PLACES

A YOUNG
JULIETTE WITH
HER PARENTS

explain that, although you're happy
for her, you have a special sensitivity
to a certain issue and are just
struggling with your own path.'
I did this with my best friend fairly
recently, telling her I envied pretty
much everything about her. She was
taken aback at ﬁrst, but we had a
huge hug. She said: 'Don't be daft, it's
not as easy as it looks', and let me in
HONEST TALKING
on a few secrets (which shall remain
My life revolves around hospital
as such) that took a little of the gloss
appointments, nasty procedures
oﬀ it. It hasn't been in the least bit
and an overwhelming fear of what's
weird since (thank goodness).
coming next. My hair is 30%
'Sometimes, something as
white; if I stopped colouring
simple as taking a break
it I'd look like Gandalf
from social media
from Lord Of The
can help,' continues
Rings. My French
Andrea, 'especially
husband, Gautier,
'WHEN I WAS A
if you notice that it
was made redundant
JOURNALIST IN THE
consistently makes
last year and we've
1990S, I PLAYED CUPID
you feel worse.'
since been living with
- I INTRODUCED
I stopped 'following'
my mother-in-law
THE BECKHAMS TO
ostentatious friends
in rural France while
EACH OTHER'
on Facebook and
we decide what to do
now feel much better
next. I miss my friends
without their 'look at my
and family like crazy. Even
amazing life!' photos clogging up
the cat ignores me.
my news feed over breakfast.
So is it ever a good idea to tell a
friend how your emotions sometimes
get the better of you and you ﬁnd
IS THE GRASS
yourself feeling resentful of their lot?
REALLY GREENER?
'If you're close, honesty can be
I have a friend whose 13-year-old
helpful, especially if you need to
son is the sweetest kid you could
explain why you're being a little
ever meet, but she has never had a
distant,' says psychologist Andrea
proper conversation with her son
Bonoir, author of The Friendship Fix.
because he's autistic. Instead, she's on
'You don't want them to feel like
the periphery of his life, nurturing
they've done something wrong, so
him, looking in, desperate for a
work like that. My friend and her
husband have their own business
and frequently work weekends and
often into the early hours of the
morning. I know I couldn't do that.
So as long as I remind myself of the
reality of their situation, the envy
dissipates somewhat.

Career highlight

082 | AUGUST 2016

breakthrough. Her friends often tell
her how fortunate she is to have him
and, in a sense, she is, but what they
don't see is the daily struggle she faces
as a single parent of a teenager who
doesn't come with instructions.
'I know I'm lucky to have him,' she
explained, 'but I envy you for being
married, and I envy other parents who
just have it easier than I do.' I told her
how my marriage was under immense
strain and that I was bored to tears,
living in France away from my friends
and family. 'The grass really isn't
greener,' I told her.
She then conﬁded that when
she feels overwhelmed by her lot in
life she writes her unﬁltered, raw
emotions on bank notes. 'Each time
I use one to pay for something,' she
whispered, 'those thoughts leave with
it, even if it is only momentarily.'

HOME TRUTHS

I've ﬁnally come to realise that what
I have perceived for so long as my
inadequacies are nothing of the sort.
It's not my fault I got ill. It's not my
fault (or my husband's) that he lost his
job. So how do I keep my emotions in
check when I feel those pangs of envy?
I just think of the plight of PoWs in
JULIETTE
AND HER
BEST FRIEND
AtHomeWithLorraineKelly2016

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